Stats
…And Call Me Conrad (This Immortal) by Roger Zelazny
1966 Hugo
Award Winner
174 Pages
After The
Three Days, Earth was changed into a radioactive wasteland and a relatively
small core of remaining people, the least mutated anyway, have become island
dwellers to avoid the hotspots scattered across the rest of the landscape. Most humans though, have left Earth which has
essentially become a museum for visiting Vegans.
Conrad
Nomikos a very mysterious person. He’s
apparently extremely old and we know he possesses superhuman strength. He is also the Arts Commissioner of the
museum that is Earth and now he’s been given the job of escorting one of those
Vegans on a tour of some of the most important remaining cities and
landmarks. He resents his task though
and resents the danger he must face for an alien who has motives he
distrusts.
The first rule about being immortal is…
You don’t
talk about being immortal. Conrad’s
history quickly becomes suspect and stays that way. He may have had more than one name. He may have lived more than one century. He’ll never tell. Conrad keeps everyone in the dark about
everything that he can, and the mystery is agonizing – in a good way.
The party
continues their tour and at every stop some new tension is added. Occasionally some act of violence occurs that
as it is unfolding serves to lower your guard with the expectation that there
might be some release of the tension that just keeps building and building. But instead, these incredibly raw, epic
fights (or natural disaster or whatever is happening) only set a new floor for
the drama and probably also introduce some new problem as well. Of course there are some moments of slight
tension release but for the most part the energy just builds and builds and
builds forever.
But if you are going to talk…
Do it
well. Conrad is such a fun character. I came to think of him as a kind of bruiser
version of The Dude. His attitude is so
distrustful and so guarded yet he seems to go ahead with the tour despite his
misgivings. When he is confronted about
his own motives, his ability to deflect is comical. And this blitheness is really what gives us a
break from the tension that just never ends.
At a time when the future of the planet is in jeopardy it should be
difficult to make jokes without sounding insincere or like a poor writer made a
poor joke. Zelazny pulls this off SO
WELL. I really looked forward to every
conversation Conrad engaged in, just waiting to hear what kind of goofiness he
could come up with in spite of the circumstances.
And if you really aren’t going to talk…
Then
fight. OMG the fight scenes are so raw
and graphic in a way that was neither overly detailed nor overly stylized. If weapons were used, they were usually
primitive and fists were absolutely devastating. The fighters and the circumstances were
mythological (did I mention epic) and so freaking fun to read. Hold on, I’m gonna go back and read one again
now…
Then: “Look at me! I am going to put the blade in very
slowly. I am going to dine on you one
day. What do you think of that?”
I laughed. It was suddenly worth laughing at.
His face twisted, then it straightened
into a momentary look of puzzlement.
“Has the fear driven you mad,
Commissioner?”
“Feathers or lead?” I asked him.
He knew what it meant. He started to say something, and then he
heard a pebble click about twelve feet away.
His head snapped in that direction.
He spent the last second of his life
screaming, as the force of Bortan’s leap pulped him against the ground, before
his head was snatched from his shoulders.
My hellhound had arrived.
Pg
150
This one
came at the end of a string of particularly brutal fights and I loved the
finality of the last sentence.
Recommendation
I have few
complaints BUT…nearly the first 70 and last 10 pages were a little tough to
care about and for a long time, I was worried that this would be a total
flop. Zelazny spends so much time in the
beginning giving half details that upon a re-read will probably be very
meaningful, but just served to confuse and bore me this first time
through. Still, once the story picks up,
I was drawn in quick and completely. I would encourage anyone with a little
patience to pick this one up.
HEP SCORE
Universe 5/5
Social/Political
Climate 5/5
Dialogue 5/5
Scientific
Wonders 2/5 (this should have been a higher score but I don’t know how to
include satyrs here)
Characters
4/5
Overall
21/25 (The first 20+ score!)
The Die Being Cast...
This
week’s book is Dune by Frank Herbert. My second re-read and the second book of the
Deathmatch.
Next
week’s book is Stranger in a Strange Land
by Robert A. Heinlein. I’m not sure how
many times I've read this one but in the context of the HEP I’m not sure if I’ll
like it as much this time. I’m sure it
will still get a high HEP score though.
Yeh, I have a soft spot for this book, although Lord of Light is my favorite. Zelazny is great - his premature death robbed SF of a most excellent storyteller.
ReplyDeleteCool, I look forward to that one then. Since it's also from the 60's, one of them will have to get the Master of the Precious award. I guess I know your vote :)
DeleteI better read this one it looks awesome! Thanks for the review or I never would have known. What library did you get it from?
ReplyDeleteI got it from Lee County, though I'll have it for another week or two for the DEATHMATCH.
DeleteI have so many things to read. Unfortunately, that means fun books get put on the back burner.
ReplyDelete